How to Talk to Your Team About a Decision You Disagree With

I recently got a call from “Taylor,” an executive I’d coached as part of a high-potential program at his company, asking to talk. He was irate. A project he’d spearheaded for the last two years was having its funding cut due to market headwinds. His bosses reassured him that it had nothing to do with the project’s progress or his leadership; it was simply “a hard call that had to be made.”

Now Taylor had to inform his team. His greatest resentment revealed itself in this question he put to me: “How am I supposed to explain to my team how projects that are floundering, less strategically relevant, and labeled by people on those teams as a ‘complete waste of money’ didn’t get cut?”

Taylor found himself in a situation every manager will confront at some point in their career: having to represent a decision their bosses made that they don’t agree with to their team.

When you’re part of a company’s management structure, there will be moments when carrying the proverbial flag on behalf of the powers-that-be won’t feel good. But that’s part of the job. Barring a decision or action that is immoral, illegal, or unethical, standing behind decisions that don’t go your way is one of the most challenging things you’ll have to do as a leader. Doing so effectively requires thoughtful preparation. Here are six strategies to use when you have to convey a decision you don’t agree with.

Regulate your own emotions first.

Knowing the decision will likely trigger strong emotions in your team, you don’t want to walk into the conversation dysregulated and risk making things worse. You need to bring a measured approach to conveying the decision, free of your own rancor. You don’t have to be a robot, devoid of any emotion. But acknowledging your feelings is different than wearing them on your sleeve. You can say something like, “I know how disappointing this feels,” even though you might feel tempted to say something more like, “I can’t believe those jerks are doing this!”

If need be, vent to a trusted friend or coach — someone outside the political structure of your company who doesn’t have a stake in the outcome. Journaling can also be a useful tool for catharsis. Stay focused on preparing to guide your team through a tough moment by caring for yourself first.

Gather available perspectives and information.

If time allows, go back to your boss (after you’ve gotten past your initial strong emotions) and ask for clarity on how management reached the decision. What criteria were used? What alternatives were considered? What broader factors were in play that perhaps are outside your visibility?

In Taylor’s case, his boss was able to provide him some principles that were used to weigh the relative long- and near-term value of all the projects that were reviewed, reducing Taylor’s temptation to make unfair comparisons to projects he felt were less worthy than his. Having a broadened perspective on the decision beyond your own will provide you with insights and nuances that will help contextualize it for your team.

Show empathy without colluding.

A reasonable fact base can play an important role in helping teams through tough conversations, but don’t expect facts to abate emotions. You’ll need empathy and compassion for that. If you try to use data alone to address strong feelings, it will feel dismissive and invalidating. Deal with the emotional landscape first.

Your team will expect you to join in their anger, and even throw management under the bus, as you communicate a tough decision to them. It’s critical that you resist the temptation to go there. You may fear an indictment, even estrangement from your team if you don’t join them, worrying, as Taylor did, that “they’ll think I didn’t fight for them, or that I’ve sold out if they don’t see that I’m outraged too.” But that’s not true. If you join them, you’ll look more like a victim than an ally. Further, joining them in their resentment will only keep them stuck in it, making it harder for you to help them get past it later.

Remember that there’s a power differential between you and your team, which means there should also be a perspective differential. You can acknowledge your disappointment and empathize compassionately with theirs, but you need to take the high road if you want your team to come out the other side of the decision ready to perform and contribute. Listen attentively to their concerns, even going around the table so each person has an opportunity to express what specifically pains them about the decision. Taylor did this and was able to hear the personal sense of loss, the feelings of futility having spent two years invested in the project, and the fears of what it would mean for their careers. Listening with care helps validate emotions without legitimizing the fatalism and fears that lie behind them.

Explain the decision, don’t defend it.

This is a delicate line to walk. Using the data you gathered prior to the meeting, share the logic path behind the decision as best as you understand it, along with the alternatives you understand were considered. Your aim should be to turn the conversation toward making the best of a less-than-ideal situation rather than merely minimizing the team’s bitterness toward management.

When the team turns their ire on you with accusations like, “So you agree with this terrible decision?” or “How much are they paying you to drink their Kool-Aid?” (both questions Taylor was asked by his team), it’s important to neither defend yourself nor management. Taylor was prepared with responses like: “I’ve told you I’m disappointed as well. I was candid with management about my views, but this time around, I didn’t prevail. Aiming your anger and disrespect at me isn’t going to help us move forward.”

Teach perspective taking.

By role modeling what it means to zoom out to a broader perspective, you can invite your team to take into account factors they wouldn’t naturally consider. What challenges were management facing that they may not see? What alternatives had to be explored that might have been worse?

Inviting your team to be curious about what other influences might have been in play can summon a degree of empathy and the assumption of positive intent. Rather than assuming “they’re so far removed from our reality, they don’t know what they’re doing” (which, to be sure, may be true sometimes), perhaps they might consider instead, “I imagine these decisions weren’t easy for them to make either, and I hope there are lessons we can all learn so we don’t end up here again.” In Taylor’s case, his boss shared that they were doing everything they could to save jobs by cutting wherever else they could first.

Handling disappointment is a skill most of us don’t come naturally equipped with. It’s all too easy to blame and be victimized. But Taylor was able to vulnerably acknowledge to his team:

I’ve never been that good at being resilient when life doesn’t go my way. I know intellectually that disappointment is part of being human, and I have a choice about how I react to it. I have to remind myself that in the grander scheme of things, my life is still really good, and I’ll still get to work on great projects with amazing people like you. I have a lot to be grateful for. Yes, it sucks that our project was shelved. But if I’m going to let this moment define me, I want it to define me as a resilient leader who rose above the disappointment, not caved into it.

Check in with the team.

After a few days, get back with the team to see how they’re doing. Remember that everyone metabolizes bad news differently, and some take longer than others to move on. If you’re seeing toxic or immature behavior from people (disrespectful remarks, trying to keep the team riled, underperformance, absenteeism, etc.), it’s important that you balance grace with clear expectations. Some behaviors simply can’t be tolerated no matter how disappointed people feel.

Taylor reconvened his team and invited his boss to come and speak to them, creating a firsthand opportunity to ask questions and hear more about their decision. His boss was able to reassure them that they were valued employees whose contributions made a difference — something they needed to hear.

It’s never easy to convey bad news to those you lead, and it’s especially hard when you have to pass down bad news you don’t agree with. But these are the moments where your leadership matters the most. You may not be able to change the decision, but how you lead your team through it could change their ability to navigate disappointment with grace and resilience, which they may well thank you for later.